Unpacking the “Total Woman”: A Deeper Dive into Marabel Morgan’s Controversial Guide

Introduction

Published in 1973, Marabel Morgan’s “The Total Woman” exploded onto the scene, becoming a cultural phenomenon. With over 500,000 copies sold within its first year and topping the non-fiction charts, it captured the imagination (and anxieties) of a generation of American women living amidst the societal upheavals of the feminist movement. At its core, “The Total Woman” presents a starkly contrasting vision to feminist ideals, advocating for a return to traditional gender roles within marriage. In this expanded review, we delve deeper into the book’s core philosophies, dissect its problematic aspects, and ultimately, assess its cultural impact and lingering relevance.

You can find The Total Woman by author Marabel Morgan on your favorite bookstore, including Amazon.com and Amazon UK.

About author Marabel Morgan

Marabel Morgan is a bestselling author best known for her controversial yet impactful book, The Total Woman. Published in 1973, this guide to marital intimacy and fulfilling relationships sparked intense debate and media attention while also becoming an extraordinarily popular title. Over 10 million copies were sold.

Born in 1937 in Georgia, Marabel witnessed her parents’ difficult divorce at a young age. In the book, she credits this experience for later seeking a happy and passionate marriage herself. After graduating with an Education degree, she married Charlie Morgan in 1959, and together they had four children.

During the early years, Marabel felt dissatisfied with aspects of her marriage. Seeking advice, she consulted counselors and women from church who seemed particularly joyful in their relationships. The tips she picked up formed the basis for The Total Woman. Charlie was the first reader, surprised yet impressed by her suggestions.

At its heart, the book outlines how women can better meet the emotional and physical needs of their husbands through prioritizing affection and intimacy—essentially, “putting him on a pedestal,” she says. The Total Woman employs playacting, escapade, and old-fashioned spoiling to cultivate romance and communication. While controversial for some of its dated views on gender roles, many credit The Total Woman for strengthening thousands of relationships.

Marabel is also an active public speaker and advocate for happy homes. Her charitable foundation supports organizations focused on early childhood development and family crisis support in her local Georgia area.

The runaway success of The Total Woman established Marabel as a feminine relationship expert with a talent for inspiring women even today. While evolving views on equality may debate her advice, none can deny the earnest spirit behind her mission—a hopeful belief that small gestures of care and affection contain the power to nurture profound and lasting love.

Beyond the Surface: Deconstructing the Pillars of the “Total Woman”

Morgan’s manifesto centers around the concept of the “Total Woman,” an idealized wife who prioritizes her husband’s happiness and fulfillment above all else. This “total devotion” manifests through three key pillars:

• The Cult of Domesticity: Morgan elevates homemaking to an almost religious calling, urging women to become masters of organization, efficiency, and culinary expertise. From spotless kitchens to gourmet meals, every detail of the domestic sphere is meticulously prescribed, positioning wifehood as a performance of unwavering service and dedication.
• The “Sex 201” Formula: Intimacy becomes a weapon in the arsenal of the “Total Woman,” strategically deployed to keep the marital flame alive. Morgan’s advice, rife with dated gendered stereotypes, prescribes a calculated approach to sex, where women are expected to cater to their husbands’ desires while actively suppressing their own.
• The Submissive Spirit: Perhaps the most controversial aspect of Morgan’s philosophy is her unwavering emphasis on female submissiveness. Blindly catering to a husband’s ego, overlooking his shortcomings, and prioritizing his emotional well-being above one’s own are presented as cornerstones of a successful marriage.

Beneath the Glitter: Problematic Implications and Unmasking Harmful Assumptions

While Morgan’s advice may have resonated with some readers seeking stability and familiar gender roles, a closer examination reveals its potentially harmful consequences:

• The Erosion of Selfhood: The relentless pursuit of the “Total Woman” ideal leaves little room for women’s individual identities and aspirations. By prioritizing others’ needs and suppressing their own, women risk losing their sense of self and becoming trapped in a cycle of self-denial.
• Perpetuating Inequality: The rigid gender roles prescribed by Morgan reinforce harmful stereotypes, hindering women’s advancement in both the public and private spheres. It perpetuates the misconception that women’s sole purpose lies within the domestic sphere, while men remain the undisputed breadwinners and emotional leaders.
• The Emotional Tax of Service: The book places an immense emotional burden on women, expecting them to shoulder the bulk of emotional labor within the relationship. This constant self-sacrifice can lead to feelings of resentment, exhaustion, and ultimately, emotional disconnect.

The Cultural Kaleidoscope: “The Total Woman” in Context

To fully understand the impact of “The Total Woman,” we must consider the social and cultural landscape of the early 1970s. The rise of feminism challenged traditional gender norms and ignited conversations about women’s equality. For many women, Morgan’s book offered a sense of security and familiarity in the face of an evolving world. It presented a clear roadmap for marital success, one that resonated with those yearning for stability and a clear definition of feminine fulfillment.

However, it is crucial to remember that “The Total Woman” emerged from a specific social context and does not represent the diverse experiences and aspirations of all women. Its narrow scope and prescriptive approach fail to acknowledge the complexities of individual identity, relationships, and societal expectations.

Unraveling the Legacy: Enduring Influence and Contemporary Relevance

While “The Total Woman” may appear outdated and even offensive to modern readers, its enduring influence cannot be ignored. Its impact extends beyond the initial sales figures, leaving a lasting mark on popular culture and contemporary discussions about gender roles.

• The Birth of a Satirical Icon: In a twist of irony, “The Total Woman” has gained new life in satirical contexts. Podcasts like “The Complete Woman” use Morgan’s advice as comedic fodder, highlighting its absurdity and exposing its harmful underlying assumptions.
• Echoes in Contemporary Relationships: Despite its outdatedness, aspects of “The Total Woman” still resonate in some corners of society. The pressure to conform to traditional beauty standards, the expectation of constant domestic service, and the idealization of the nuclear family persist in various forms, reminding us of the ongoing struggle for gender equality.

A Time Capsule of a Controversial Era: Examining the “Total Woman” with Critical Lenses

Ultimately, “The Total Woman” stands as a fascinating, albeit unsettling time capsule of a bygone era. Engaging with it through a critical lens allows us to unpack its complex legacy and grapple with its lasting implications. While its historical context offers insight into anxieties surrounding changing gender roles in the 1970s, its outdated views and potentially damaging advice require careful scrutiny.

Beyond the Binary: Moving Forward from the “Total Woman”

In the decades since its publication, significant progress has been made towards gender equality. However, the shadow of “The Total Woman” still lingers, reminding us of the ongoing struggle against harmful stereotypes and unequal power dynamics. To move forward, we must:

• Embrace Diversity: Recognizing the vast spectrum of female experiences and aspirations is crucial. Women are not a monolith, and their paths to fulfillment are as diverse as they are numerous.
• Challenge Harmful Norms: The societal pressure to conform to rigid gender roles continues to hold women back. We must actively challenge these norms, supporting individual expression and dismantling outdated expectations.
• Prioritize Self-Acceptance: Women deserve to be valued for their individual strengths and talents, not their ability to adhere to a prescribed ideal. Encouraging self-acceptance and personal growth is essential for fostering individual well-being and societal progress.

Conclusion: A Legacy of Lessons and a Call to Action

“The Total Woman” may be a product of its time, but its lessons resonate across generations. It serves as a cautionary tale, reminding us of the dangers of rigid gender roles and the importance of individual autonomy. By critically examining its outdated philosophies and harmful assumptions, we can gain valuable insights into the ongoing struggle for gender equality. The call to action is clear: to move beyond the confines of the “Total Woman” and embrace a future where women are empowered to define their own paths to fulfillment, free from the shackles of prescriptive ideals.

Further readings

While “The Total Woman” may offer a dated and controversial perspective on gender roles and relationships, understanding its appeal can help us recommend similar reads for its fans. Here are a few book recommendations catering to different aspects of what readers might have enjoyed about “The Total Woman”.

For fans of traditional gender roles and domesticity:

1. “Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Building the Home You Want” by Cheryl Mendelson: This practical guide offers tips on creating a welcoming and functional home, aligning with Morgan’s emphasis on domestic efficiency and organization.
2. “The Nesting Instinct: How to Create a Home That Reflects You” by Myquillyn Smith: Exploring the emotional connection to homemaking, Smith provides strategies for cultivating a personal space that fosters joy and well-being, similar to Morgan’s ideal of creating a comfortable environment for a spouse.
3. “The Secrets of a Happy Marriage” by Andrew Matthews: This self-help book offers advice on communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intimacy within marriage, addressing topics relevant to Morgan’s focus on marital harmony and spousal support.

For readers seeking a conservative perspective on marriage and family:

4. “For Women Only: What You REALLY Need to Know About Men” by Shaunti Feldhahn: This relationship advice book, albeit from a Christian perspective, shares some similarities with Morgan’s approach in its focus on understanding men’s needs and communicating effectively within marriage.
5. “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman: This popular book emphasizes different ways of expressing and receiving love, potentially resonating with “Total Woman” readers seeking to improve communication and emotional connection within their relationships.

For those interested in exploring alternative perspectives compared to the book:

6. “Feminism is for Everybody: Passionate Politics in Practice” by bell hooks: This collection of essays offers a critical and accessible introduction to feminist thought, providing a stark contrast to Morgan’s conservative views and prompting readers to question traditional gender roles.
7. “Homegoing” by Yaa Gyasi: This historical novel depicts the forced separation of a Ghanaian family and the generations of women navigating loss, resilience, and self-discovery, offering a powerful counterpoint to the limited domestic sphere presented in “The Total Woman.”
8. “We Should All Be Feminists” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: This TED Talk turned popular essay challenges stereotypical ideas about gender and encourages both men and women to embrace feminist principles for a more equitable society, offering a thought-provoking perspective on the limitations of traditional gender roles.

FAQs

What inspired Marabel Morgan to write The Total Woman?

Marabel drew from her own experiences as a wife and mother looking to improve her marriage when writing The Total Woman. She provides personal anecdotes and insights into how she applied biblical principles to transform her relationship, offering inspiration to readers looking to enhance their own marriages.

What is the core message of The Total Woman?

At its heart, the book encourages wives to embrace a spirit of servitude, care, and thoughtfulness to fulfill their husband’s needs before their own. Marabel argues this is key to unlocking his affection and bringing greater joy and purpose to her role as wife. She offers tips rooted in affirmation, affection, and adaptability.

What practical tips does The Total Woman provide?

With honesty and wit, Marabel shares vulnerable stories paired with lighthearted advice on creating a welcoming home, taking interest in his career, preparing his favorite meals, and becoming his sexual confidant to deepen intimacy. She also tackles difficult topics like weight loss and embraces the power of femininity.

Why was The Total Woman so popular during the 1970s?

At a time when gender roles were being challenged, Marabel tapped into traditional values about marriage roles that still resonated. With warmth, she argued that submitting to a benevolent leadership role provides security for a wife to focus care inward. This appealed to women craving permission to embrace domesticity.

What criticisms has The Total Woman faced over the years?

Some argue it promotes an outdated dynamic favoring husbands and strips women of autonomy. Feminists highlight the importance of mutual caretaking between partners. However, defenders appreciate Marabel giving voice and value to Biblically-inspired marriage values they still embrace.

Does The Total Woman incorporate any spiritual wisdom?

Yes, Marabel draws heavily from Proverbs 31 and other Bible passages about wives supporting their husbands. For her, leaning on faith provides the insight and power to improve herself rather than trying to change her spouse. She also shares uplifting stories of how scripture transformed her marriage.

What were some of Marabel Morgan’s qualifications for writing this book?

As a young mother of two, Marabel felt conflicted, desperate to be a great wife but struggling to find joy in her demanding role. After having an awakening about her Christian priorities and applying biblical principles to her roles as lover, homemaker and mother, she experienced a profoundly happy marriage transformation she was eager to share.

How did the success of The Total Woman impact Marabel Morgan’s life?

The popularity of her book catapulted her into fame and public speaking engagements, but also took a toll on her family. However, as inquiries flooded in asking for marriage advice, she felt called to keep sharing the message. This launched a writing and speaking career focused on relational healing through faith.

How has the book’s message endured over 50 years since its release?

Despite shifts in cultural attitudes on marriage roles, many conservative religious groups argue The Total Woman still holds relevance for wives craving to tap into traditional feminine identity. Others say while agreeably quaint, updated expectations recognize both husbands and wives deserve to pursue personal fulfillment.

Why do some still consider The Total Woman a worthwhile read today?

Beyond the historical glimpse into 1970s suburban America, Marabel is praised for gracefully wrestling with universal truths about the spiritual and emotional work required for any healthy intimate relationship to thrive, even if her exact approach feels outdated. Readers value her sincere encouragement.